James Lewis

Parents hate to say no to their children. This is especially true of parents who have gone without during their own childhood; they want their children to have everything they didn’t have. However, giving your child everything you didn’t have might slip into giving your child everything, and before you know it, you are enduring yet another tantrum in the toy shop because your little darling wants another new toy and frankly, you’ve had enough.

You do know, don’t you, that it is your fault entirely that you are in this position?

It may not be too late to put in some boundaries and stop your child from turning into a spoilt teen or, worse still, a spoilt adult. But far better not to go down that road in the first place.

Here’s why…
Spoiling your child doesn’t only result in their turning into a terrible screaming brat every time you walk past a toy shop. It also gives your child the false impression that they will get everything they want in life – and as adults, we all know that just isn’t true.

There are worse implications that come from spoiling children, particularly poignant given that many parents spoil their children out of a real misguided love. The child may receive gifts instead of their parents’ love, time or affection, meaning they lose out on the opportunity to enjoy unconditional love and also get love confused with material objects – causing them difficulty in relationships later in life.

For working parents who don’t have much time to give, it is easy to inadvertently spoil children. If you haven’t been able to spend much time with your child, you may come home with new childrens toys thinking that will in some way make things better. The truth is, it will make YOU feel better, for a while, but it will send out strange messages to your child. You might be setting yourself up for a better relationship with your child and providing them with a better example if you spend the money on a trip out – to the park, museum or movies, rather than on more childrens toys.

The reasons why it is better not to spoil children are varied, but it is mostly more about making sure they grow up into healthy adults. Rewarding good behaviour or achievements with money or gifts is a popular way of parents encouraging their children. And while it is reasonably fair to say that the world does reward hard work sometimes – it doesn’t always, and there are times when things like pride, honour and the belief in what we are doing has to motivate us because nothing material is available or on offer. If children don’t grow up being used to doing things for internal satisfaction, they are going to struggle doing it as an adult.

Being a good parent is something most people aspire to, and sometimes it feels as though we are always doing the wrong thing. Educating ourselves about the best way to bring up our children is a step in the right direction, whether it is by talking to other parents or reading parenting manuals.

Most new parents of their first child can be characterised as having the eagerness and desire to do the best thing for their child. This might be eating only organic food during the pregnancy, choosing non-toxic paint for the baby’s bedroom and playroom, making all the growing toddler’s meals from scratch and taking their child to all kinds of children’s classes and groups.

By the time the second or third child comes along, most parents have relaxed their standards and expectations due to a combination of exhaustion and the realisation that a few crisps and the television isn’t going to damage their child.
Choosing the right toys is one area where it is easy to do the right thing for your child without breaking the bank or your back.

You can divide children’s toys and the way they play into several areas. The first, which is the most common and the one that children fall into playing the most naturally, is make-believe play. Once upon a time this would have been regarded as a waste of time – or even worse, caused children who indulged too frequently or too whole-heartedly in make-believe play to be regarded negatively.

The truth, as we now know, is that make-believe play is essential in helping a child’s creativity, imagination and social skills develop. It is also seriously used to help children who have been through stress and trauma to ‘act out’ their negative emotions in a safe environment. At home, make-believe play can be encouraged relatively cheaply. All children need is a few props and accessories. To discourage them going through your wardrobe, buy them a dress-up box filled with items from charity and second-hand shops. Swap things around now and then to keep them from being bored and watch them overflow with creativity before your very eyes!

Blocks of wood, such as hardwood blocks, are exactly the kind of kids toys recommended by movements such as the Steiner philosophy. They do not recommend kids toys that do not allow a child’s imagination to flourish, so blocks of wood would be regarded as ideal. While it may seem like the strangest, least fun childrens toys, take a moment to think it through: a doll’s house is just that – a doll’s house, it won’t be anything more or less. But wooden blocks can turn into a doll’s house, and a zoo, and a school and a tall tower of blocks…

You see? This kind of play stimulates a child’s imagination, creativity and spatial awareness. It encourages them to play with other children as a team, to talk through problems and to carry, lift and use their bodies in ways that other, less interactive childrens toys don’t require them to do.

Physical play is vital for children, especially in the Western world where obesity is a problem not just amongst adults but amongst children too. Getting your children to play outside will not only make them healthier now, but will get them into healthy habits that will last them well into their adult years. Team sports may not be every child’s cup of tea, but don’t let that discourage them from sports at home or at school. Sport teaches children the skills of teamwork, determination and the important lesson that you can’t always win.

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